Be nice to your Robot

By Michael Tetzlaff (2014)

“Let go you disgusting heap of rust,” said Alex trying to wrench her hand away.
Adu held her tighter “Not recommended; speed exceeds sixty miles per hour.”
“I’m fine I know what I am doing.”
“Not recommended, speed exceeds sixty miles per hour and blood alcohol level too high”.
“I’ve only had one drink you tin pot heap of junk. Why did I ever agree to use a thing like you?”
“Mandated by court order,” said Adu.
Alex was silent.
Adu carried on “Mandated by court order; your reflexes are too slow due to excessive age, wearable robotics for assisted driving deemed mandatory”.
“Alright, alright I know and if you ever mention my age again I’ll stick a spanner somewhere,” said Alex.
The car accelerated to seventy five miles per hour.
“Where will you stick a spanner?” said Adu.
“It’s just an expression you ignorant metallic lump – I should have paid extra and got the writers AI module, at least I’d be able to have a conversation with you”.
The car accelerated to eighty five mile per hour.
“Writers module not compatible,” said Adu.
“Will you slow down and let me drive,” said Alex watching lights whizz past.
“No time, must adhere to schedule,” said Adu.
The car was doing ninety five.
Silence, except the thrum of tyres on tarmac and the occasional splat of an insect on the windscreen.
Splat, splat, splat.
“What the hell,” said Alex
The car reached ninety nine mph.
“I can’t see where I’m going, the windscreen is covered by insect guts,” said Alex.
“Adu knows where to go”.
“Where did your AI module come from Adu?”
“From internet; Adu have free code from internet.”
“So there could be any old rubbish coding in your AI,” said Alex.
The car accelerated to hundred and ten mph.
“It’s a mandatory ban and a thousand pound fine above one hundred mph you mechanical idiot,” shouted Alex. No sooner spoken than blue lights flickered behind them.
Adu pulled over and lowered the window.
“Who was driving, you or the robot?” asked the policeman.
“That idiot,” said Alex pointing at Adu’s control unit.
But when the police officer checked the robot’s log file it told a different story.